Author: Adrienne E. Cooper
Writer, Improviser, Actor, Native New Yorker, Knower of Things, Silly Human, Entrepreneur. Not to be confused w/the late Yiddish Singer of the same name.
It’s not black and white, it’s red and white. Don’t even get me started on Rose.
I’m not a doctor, or a wine maker or even a wine expert. But I will drink 11 glasses of wine, just to make a list for you.
- Mouth Stain. We all know that the major difference between the two wines is the color. But white wine drinkers will never understand the pride one has after several glasses, as it becomes displayed prominently all over your mouth. This is not just a natural lipstick, as it will shade only the least attractive parts of your lips as well as your gums and teeth. The good news is, if you’re starting to stain it’s a built in sign to tell you to STOP drinking and go to bed, or get to work — whichever.
- Talking about tannins. If you don’t know what tannins are, it’s probably because you’re a pathetic white wine drinker. Tannins are the thing that make wine worth drinking. They can also be found in tea. It’s the stuff that coats your teeth, which doesn’t sound appealing, but it’s a great thing to be able to talk about with fellow wine drinkers because pain is beauty.
- An appreciation for aging. Some white wines may buck the trend, but most of them should be consumed within a year or two of being bottled — they’re only good when they’re young — much like Hollywood would have us believe about actresses. Red wine, however, is often better with time. Of course, there are some reds that don’t age well, but most of them get sexier as the years go on, like Idris Elba, or me (don’t worry, I’m drunk!).
- Steak. What are you, an idiot? You’re not gonna drink white wine with your steak. Don’t be stupid.
- Resveratrol. When your wine has it, then you don’t have to spend a lot of money on face creams that do — just pour a glass a day over your face (with your mouth open). White wine doesn’t have that… Continue reading…